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Learn about your herpes diagnosis
 
"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."

Gloria Steinem
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You and Me and HSV

A safe place to land after a STI diagnosis 

Learn about your  herpes diagnosis
 
"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."

Gloria Steinem

Here at You and Me and HSV we're big believers that knowledge is the ultimate antidote to stigma and fear. 

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Taking some time to learn about the realities of your diagnosis (understanding how it passes from person to person, what symptoms look like and how it can be managed) helps strip away the anxiety and puts you back in control. 

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We're here to provide the facts, without shame, so you can make informed choices, protect your peace of mind, and move forward with confidence. 

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Common questions

  • Yes! Herpes does not stop you from dating, having sex, or finding love.

    It is a minor skin condition, exactly the same as a cold sore on the lip.

    Your sex life is not over.

  • According to the current Australian STI guidelines, No.

    HSV is not a "notifiable" infection. So you are not required to contact trace (tell past sexual partners). Whether you share your diagnosis with sexual partners is a personal choice based on intimacy and trust.

    Telling past sexual partners (people you have had sex with before, but don’t have an ongoing sexual relationship with) can often cause unnecessary stress for them, as they cannot be accurately tested unless they have active symptoms.

    That said, every relationship is unique. If you feel it’s important for your own peace of mind or because of the nature of your past relationship, that is your choice. But don't feel medically obligated to "track back.”

     

    Important distinction between privacy and deception:

    While there is no law in Australia forcing you to disclose herpes, the Australian consent laws are very clear: privacy is not the same as deception.

    So if a future sexual partner asks you directly about your sexual health status, withholding the truth crosses the line. A partner cannot give true, informed consent if they are being actively misled. Protecting your boundaries is okay; active deception is not. 

    Click here for more info about telling current or future sexual partners

  • Not at all! You are simply hosting a very common virus that billions of people carry.

    You haven't done anything wrong, and you are just as desirable today as you were yesterday.

  • Medications are to help with the symptoms. If you have symptoms, your healthcare professional likely gave you a script for antivirals.

    Start them as soon as possible to help with the symptoms. If there was a delay in starting them during your first episode,

    it might take a little longer to feel 100% again, but don’t worry, the meds are still helping your body get the virus back to “sleep.”

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    For more on treatment/medications click here

What is Herpes?

    • Herpes is one of the most common viral infections world-wide.

    • It's caused by a virus called the herpes simplex virus (HSV). 

    • Herpes is a manageable skin problem.

    • HSV-1: Usually prefers the facial area (often called "cold sores"), but it is now a very common cause of genital infections, usually passed through oral sex.

    • HSV-2: Usually prefers the genital area, though it can occasionally appear on the face.

    • Both HSV-1 & HSV-2 can cause painful blisters/sores around the mouth (cold sores) and/or around the genital area (genital herpes).

    • While a cold sore on the lip is often seen as a minor nuisance, a breakout in the genital area tends to cause far more anxiety. This isn't because the virus is worse “down there” - it’s purely because of social stigma. Medically, your body handles them much the same way.

  • There's no cure for herpes (yet!), once you have the virus it stays in your body. Most people find that they very rarely get symptoms or that their symptoms can be easily controlled by avoiding triggers and/or with medication.  

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    Find out more about ongoing management here

How does herpes pass from person to person?

    • HSV moves from person to person through skin-to-skin contact between someone who carries the virus and someone who doesn’t.

    • It enters the body through the delicate skin of the mouth, the genitals, or tiny (often invisible) breaks in the skin elsewhere.

  • Yes, herpes is more likely to pass on if you have current symptoms (sores, blisters etc).

    • Herpes is most contagious during an active episode, especially if sores or blisters are present. 

    • It is a lot less likely to pass on the herpes virus when no symptoms are present. 

    • It's still possible for people with no obvious symptoms to pass on the virus at certain times through a process known as 'asymptomatic viral shedding'.

  • Viral Shedding

    • HSV mostly hangs out in the nerves, inactive, and leaves you alone.

    • If or when it activates (wakes up), it travels down the nerve fibers to the skin's surface. When it gets there, teeny tiny virus particles can 'shed' off the skin.

    • The virus is most active (shedding the most) right before, during, and immediately after visible sores appear.

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    Asymptomatic viral shedding 

    • When the virus sheds without any symptoms present, it's called asymptomatic viral shedding.

    • It's impossible to tell when this is happening, but it only happens a small percentage of the time.

    • Asymptomatic viral shedding is why it's still possible to pass it on even when you feel fine, it's just much less likely than during an actual outbreak.

  • If the chances on herpes passing from person to person is low when there are no symptoms, why is the virus so common?

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    • Many people have symptoms that are so mild (like a tiny scratch or a “paper cut” feeling) they don't realise its herpes.

    • A huge number of genital HSV-1 cases come from oral sex with someone who has a history of cold sores but didn't have one visible at the time.

    • Because so many people (billions!!) host the virus, even "low likelihood" events add up over time across the population.

  • If someone has oral HSV (cold sores), the virus can be passed on from person to person through kissing. This is incredibly common - in fact, many of us were first exposed as babies through kisses from family members who had a cold sore!

    • Oral sex (blowjobs, going down on someone, rimming etc) is the most common way that people get genital herpes.

    • If someone has oral HSV and their mouth comes into contact with another person’s genitals, the virus can be passed on. 

    • You can’t pass on herpes from hugging, using a toilet seat or showers, washing machines or swimming pools.

    • Herpes is passed on through skin-to-skin contact

What are the symptoms?

    • The symptoms of herpes vary wildly from person to person.

    • Some people have a classic "first episode," while others never notice a thing.

    • The most common symptoms of HSV are what we all know as cold sores.

    • Almost everyone has a cold sore, or knows someone who has.

    • Because facial herpes (cold sores) is so common, there’s very little judgment - and there’s no reason genital HSV should be any different.

  • The first time you notice symptoms is usually known as your first outbreak or first episode. 

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    • Remember; we're all different! So the way we experience HSV is unique to us and our individual bodies.

    • Lots of people wont get any signs and symptoms when they first get exposed to the herpes virus. 

    • If there are symptoms, they can show up days, weeks, months, or even years after being infected.

     

    For most people, the very first time they notice symptoms is usually the longest and most intense. People can experience some, or all of the following: 

    • Sores or blisters on, in or around the affected area.

    • Fever and chills.

    • Muscle aches and exhaustion.

    • Emotional distress: This is the "symptom" people talk about the least, but it’s often the heaviest. It’s exactly why I’m here - to help you close the 50 open Google tabs and get back to feeling like you.

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  • Some people will have repeat outbreaks (called recurrences), usually in the same area. These outbreaks are often shorter, less painful, and go away faster than the first one.

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    Duration

    • Most outbreaks last about 5–7 days (and even less if you use treatment).

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    Frequency

    • Some people have a few flare-ups a year; others go decades (or even their whole life!) without ever seeing it again.

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    Common signs or symptoms of recurrence​:

    • Early Warning Signs: Itching, tingling, or burning in the area before anything appears. (Hint: This is the best time to start your meds to lesson or prevent the outbreak)

    • Blisters or sores: Small, fluid-filled bumps on the genitals or around the mouth that can be tender or painful.

    • Mild irritations: Often, genital symptoms are so subtle they get mistaken for:
      - Ingrown hairs or "shaving rash."
      - Heat rash or friction burns from sex or exercise.

  • HSV tends to show up when your body is under pressure.

     

    Common triggers include:

    • Physical stress: Being run down, overtired, or having another illness (like a cold).

    • Hormonal shifts: Such as periods or pregnancy.

    • Skin irritation: Sunburn (for facial HSV) or friction from sex or tight clothing.

    • Emotional stress: High-stress periods at work or in your personal life.

    • A weakened immune system.

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    The Silent Majority: Remember, many people carry HSV and don't have recurrences. For others, the symptoms are so mild they simply never notice them.

How do I know if I have herpes?

  • In Australia, the gold standard for herpes testing is a physical swab of an active sore. 

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    • If you have a sore, bump, or blister, a healthcare provider will use a small swab to take a sample.

    • Timing is Everything: This needs to happen while the outbreak is active (sores or blisters are present).

    • The Result: The lab will confirm if the virus is present and tell you whether it is HSV-1 or HSV-2. Results usually take a few days. 

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    Is there a way to test for HSV if you don't have any symptoms? 
    This is a very common question, especially for people who want to know if they have HSV or not. Unfortunately, there is no other recommended way to be tested for HSV in people who don't have any symptoms. 

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    But isn't there a blood test?

    Technically, yes, a blood test exists, but it is rarely the right tool for the job. In Australia, it is not recommended to test for herpes unless you have symptoms.

    The blood test for HSV is notoriously inaccurate; it produces many false positives and false negatives. Because so many people carry HSV-1 (cold sores), a positive blood test doesn't actually tell you where the virus is or if it will ever cause you a problem. For the vast majority of people, the blood test causes more psychological stress than medical benefit.

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    When is a blood test actually useful?

    According to the Australian Guidelines there are very few circumstances where it would be recommended to use a blood test. 

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    Note from Michelle: 

    You should always discuss your symptoms and testing with your healthcare professional. The information provided here is for support and to be used as a guide only. 

Treatment and ongoing management

  • Antivirals

    • If you have symptoms, your healthcare professional probably gave you a script for antivirals.

    • Antivirals are a type of medication that helps to reduce the symptoms of HSV.

    • They are usually most effective when taken as soon as possible, so it's best to start taking them right away.

    • If there was a delay in starting the treatment during your first episode, it might take a little longer to feel 100% again, but don’t worry, the meds are still helping your body get the virus under control. 

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    Other treatments at home may also help symptoms:​

    • Taking simple pain relief (e.g. paracetamol, ibuprofen)

    • Salt baths – this may help if your genital area is painful 

    • Acyclovir creams (e.g. Zovirax), which can be used on the sores on the mouth as soon as they appear. There are also tablets available over-the-counter at the pharmacy for sores on the mouth.

    • Topical anaesthetic such as lignocaine (available at a pharmacy), patted gently onto the affected area

    • Weeing in a warm bath or shower if urinating (weeing) is painful.

    • Wearing loose non-restrictive clothing

    • Resting to help recovery.

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    Note from Michelle: 

    You should always discuss these options with your healthcare professional. The information provided here is for support and to be used as a guide only. You can also check out the Australian Guidelines for their advice about the ongoing management of herpes here.

  • Remember - everyone is different and will experience recurrences differently. Most people will never need ongoing treatment for herpes as they don't get any episodes or recurrences, or if they do the symptoms are so mild they don't even notice. 

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    For people that do experience future episodes/recurrences there are a few options for medications. You should always discuss these options with your healthcare professional. The information provided here is for support and to be used as a guide only. See the Australian Guidelines for their advice about the ongoing management of herpes here.

     

    The  "Just in case" strategy:

    • I always suggest keeping some medication in a safe place so that if you need it, you can take it straight away.

    • Having it ready to go means you can start taking it the very second you feel an outbreak coming on (usually people describe a "telltale tingle" before an outbreak).

    • Starting meds early is the best way to stop a flare-up in its tracks and it even prevent blisters from appearing at all!

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    Episodic Treatment

    • This is when you take medication "as-needed". You only take a short course of tablets when you feel an outbreak coming on. The meds work best the faster they’re taken. This is what works best for most people

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    Daily Management

    • This involves taking a tablet every day.

    • It’s an option for people who are getting frequent outbreaks or if you want to significantly reduce the likelihood of passing the virus to a partner.

    • Most people will not need to take medication everyday.

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    Note from Michelle: 

    You should always discuss these options with your healthcare professional. The information provided here is for support and to be used as a guide only. You can also check out the Australian Guidelines for their advice about the ongoing management of herpes here.

    ​

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  • HSV tends to "kick you when you're down." It often waits for a moment of physical or emotional stress to show up.

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    Some common triggers for HSV flare-ups:

    • Stress or anxiety

    • Being run down or overtired

    • General illness (like cold or flu)

    • Hormonal changes (e.g. periods or pregnancy)

    • Sunburn or sun exposure (for facial HSV)

    • A weakened immune system

    • Friction or irritation to the area

    • Sexual activity that irritates the skin

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    While many of these things are just a part of life, the best way to manage herpes is by looking after your general health and learning your specific "triggers."

     

    If you do get an outbreak, it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. Everyone’s immune system is different, and sometimes the virus just decides to pay you a visit.

     

    Over time, it all gets easier - you’ll learn to listen to your body and what triggers your outbreaks and learn ways to manage it.

Herpes and pregnancy

  • Yes! Herpes does not affect fertility (your ability to get pregnant).

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  • Pregnant people with a history of herpes can have a safe pregnancy and vaginal birth.

     

    However, if you have a genital herpes outbreak when you give birth, you could pass the virus to your baby during delivery. It's important to talk to your healthcare professional so they can help manage and support you through your pregnancy. 

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    Remember herpes is incredibly common, as is people giving birth who have herpes. Your healthcare professional will be able to help support you through your pregnancy.

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    For more info on herpes in pregnancy see the New Zealand Herpes Foundation's dedicated page here. 

Here at You and Me and HSV, we believe knowledge is the perfect antidote to stigma and fear.

 

Understanding your diagnosis (how it transmits, its symptoms, and how to manage it) strips away anxiety and puts you back in control.

​

Don't feel pressured to read everything at once. Explore the sections that matter to you most. We’re here to provide the facts so you can protect your peace of mind and move forward with confidence.

​

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You and Me and HSV

A safe place to land after a STI diagnosis 

The boring, but important legal stuff

You and Me and HSV offers emotional support, education and general wellbeing guidance  concerning sexual health topics. We are not a medical, psychological or psychiatric service and do  not provide diagnosis, treatment or prescriptions. Our service is not suitable for emergencies. For medical questions or symptoms, please consult a registered health professional.

If you are in crisis or at risk, call 000 or contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.  

You And Me And HSV acknowledges that nothing in these terms limits your rights under the Australian Consumer Law.

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